slide.

You've got to keep it together, so i can fall apart.

Spring and Fall:

to a Young Child

Margaret, are you grieving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leaves, like the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Ah! as the heart grows older
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you will weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name:
Sorrow's springs are the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What héart héard of, ghóst guéssed:
It is the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for.

All my friends are getting married...im just getting drunk.

Numbers have so much controll in my life, especially when it comes to age. I have this problem where i compare myself to people, not to their bodies or their cars, or whatever is important to others, but to their age. I still live at home, but so do my OLDER siblings, so i justify my still living here by telling myself its ok because they do. But then, on the other hand my friends have all started buying houses, which freaks me out so badly that i make myself depressed, im a first year uni student and they're setting their lives, its crazy!

I think it's uni that has really made me notice the expectations that come with age. In life people ask your age and assume things with it - looking at buying your own place? graduating this year? married? kids? Where at uni there are a lot of older students, and it some how makes me feel good because i am younger than them. I have a few older friends who in educational terms are years below me and i compare myself to them to make myself feel good about where i am in my degree. Its so stupid, their is no other word.

People have started assuming im 19-20 years old for some reason, so im running with it, im certain this is about the age that i really am, i somehow lost several years in my life...i believe i lost them in the soul crushing retail sector.

I dont understand where this age pressure comes from, i could understand it if it was about looks or similar due to advertising and the such. Its not just me either that feels it, ive had short discussions with a close friend and she feels it as well.

This.is.such.an.awkward.age!

I keep telling myself to look at life as if it's a time capsule.I keep telling myself don't miss the old times, because it's a waste of my time.

You were just a time capsule captured in my memory. A pot full of buttered corn, A night under the naked moon,But it's a new day. Move on..

Let us get Wilde.

The artist is the creator of beautiful things. To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim. The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography. Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.
Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only beauty.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

FUCK.YEAH.HANNAH.BLILIE

The ramblin' boys of pleasure.

You're not better than anyone else because of the car you drive, the expensive hair cut you have, the post code you live in, the sneakers you wear, the clubs you go to - the friends you have who run the clubs - who dj at the clubs - who take photos at the clubs. Because of the bands you know, because you take photos at gigs. You're not better because of the job you work, the amount of drugs you take or because you have a chest piece and sleeves!

It's fair enough to say that there is people out there with nice cars, shoes, tattoos, live in the 2000 or 2011 and happen to be friends with the dj and the photographer, but im also going to assume that they dislike the fakes that try to muster in on their parades?

I'm sure that there are people out there not following their passion and dreams just so they can share in a piece of someone elses popularity. I bet it doesn't even phase them, where as everyone else is critiquing themselves for improvement and trying to find their calling. They just happily fake something they're not, and they must know there not the main event, right? or are they that stupid? because if that is the case, i wish i was that stupid.

Do you think in 10years time people will be impressed when you tell them how gone you were at 77? hot damn? nevermind? home? bang? what ever your place is. No, they won't, they'll want to know about your thoughts and ideas of the world, what it is that makes you, you and what goes on in YOUR mind not in the person your attempting to clone's.

It's really only this year have i noticed that the real world is just one big high school...except the girls and boys have stepped off the wall at the dance, and learnt to fuck.

The Hardness of his hand,

I havent cried in so long. but i can feel a good cry coming, soon.

the masses of humanity will always have to suffer.

i miss love. being in love. romance. passion.

i almost feel like giving in, like i cant ever replicate what was once had, so i may as well just go back. but i wont. i just miss it. maybe im weak because i felt so motivated before, like i had something else in me.

i have sleepless nights still, does she? should i care?

i wonder if she ever did find that dvd i slipped into her things when i tried to delete her from my world.

the photo in my wallet is gone, even near replaced. but im starting to think true love never really dies, just gets overshadowed by common sense.



i'm a sucker.

unfortunate that.

soul mates never die?

broken home

Im living at Danniis for a bit, its pretty good. The house is filled with info on post it notes...

things to learn about-

• masculine humour
• Australian poetry

things to buy

• White on deck unhemed pants
• new stretchers

Pay for

• parking fine

to do- learn to write something worth reading...

daft punk is playing at my house.

not really.

I never use this anymore, i have retreated back to live journal...even tho it is so much prettier here.

Secret_robots or something something is my lj thing

Giving you options.

Honey this town is a prison, with its four walls closing in
and they got one pill to make you smaller, they one pill to make you scream.
Darling this heart is on fire, and this life is but a dream

Angry Johnny & the radio.

I was just thinking last night, how good im feeling, im trying to think positive all the time and see the good in everything, but right now im not seeing the point of positive thinking, it kind of just gets your hopes up. I was thinking about how clear my head feels and how i dont even feel the need to go out and get fucked up to have a fun time. But right now all that 'clear head space' can go fuck itself because i can not wait for the weekend and tho whole next week because i know there will be some hard partying up and i can just forget everything. Sometimes im not to sure if being motivated is worth the effort.

Im sick of people knowing me, or thinking they know me and are just assuming things about me, it makes me be the person they think i am and im having trouble breaking the habbit of just going with who they think i am.

Pee.ess i wish i was a trust fund kid.

kiss kiss kill kill

So many options to concider at the moment. So very hard, i dont want to fail at life. I just want to be happy. I just want to escape some people, and i think this is clouding my choices of which direction to take.

Im finding it hard to understand why, if someone wants you back they try to make you jealous by saying i slept with her & her & her & him, type thing. Its rather off putting.

My hips wont give anything away...

I LOVE KARMA.

my arms are to long for this jacket...dammit!

anyways, im spending tonight with my lovely faithful



=]

There's no I in team, but there's a U in cunt.

Cant believe i just fucking linked you to this page. I no youl go back to her...We prolly wont be friends, not until you realise what youve done and felt some form if guilt and felt ashamed for making someone suffer like that...just the other night you made me feel like a fuckwit and like i was no good...you did miss out on a chunk of my life, one you'll never know the full extent of, but ive come out of it as a better person, a person that will probably never let anyone in again. I dont understand how soul mates work. She tore my soul out that day. Do souls reform? will mine become a different shape that doesnt fit into hers anymore?

FUCK.

I wanna hold your hand.

So i think i am happy?all by myself, i am happy. And i just want to rub it into everyone that i dislikes faces ha. But when i think like that, i start to think that maybe i am just faking happy. Im nervous because she comes home soon, i dont want that, im seriously scared that it will just take me back and disolve all the work i have done. I think i have grown in a short amount of time, all by losing a few people from my life.

Ive been watching Twilight on dvd for the last few days (i keep falling asleep) I am still undecided whether i'd prefer to be Edward or have an Edward in my life.

I'd like to meet new people i think. But sometimes i just can not put in the effort, you know? it take a lot. blahblahblah.

Eh im going to drop some things off to a friend in the city tonight, wish i had someone to come with me on the drive...maybe hold hands some.

O and i also feel the need to buy new perfume or scent because i feel like a new person, kinda. Any ideas?

Let this be my annual reminder that we can all be something bigger

I found a nervous smile on my face last night when i realized someone had read my blog! I am quite lamely excitable, especially when a blog gets written about your blog...lol.

Im not sure if i am the only one out there, but i really don't like the six degrees of seperation! And how sites such as facebook and myspace show mutual friends.

xx!

I remember you and me, in the Orchard.

Seeing as I have made a deal with myself to never, ever go out in Richmond again, i have spent the majority of the long weekend at my home. The problem with being at home is that your mind starts to wonder to things that it should not, because their is not too much to distract you. One question I did find myself asking was, why do i feel embarrassed that I got betrayed and cheated on? I feel not only betrayed by the person I loved but by people i thought were my friends... By logic shouldnt it be the cheaters who feel ashamed?they've totally turned by life upside down in the most horrible way imaginable. Does this kind of feeling just happen to me or do others feel this as well? One day, i will sit down and write out my story, but for now i will leave it, its still to fresh. But I would like to say right now and I hope it gets back to her in some way (but it wont) that she may be your girl now, but, she still tells me every day how she loves me, and this may not be true, she could just be wanting me to fuck her, because at least i can make her come!ah ok, lets leave it at that for now...

Seeing as the Hawkesbury is a no-go zone, I ventured into sydney for Thursday night drunkeness, we went to Arq, the problem with arq is the huge amount of gay men.that.is.all. I`ll also be heading there tomorrow night.ha. I have really channelled my hate for this town over the last week and will possibly be making an art work for the residence to admire 'cause "stay classy Richmond" If all goes well it will be in prime position for the saturday night drop kicks to view, and very much not understand...

I met a guy the other night, I told him i worked as an orange picker...which is funny because when i think of love i think of an orange or even a grape vinyard.

I am quite sure i have more to say right now, something more intellectual and constructive but it isnt going to happen at the moment.

It is going to be a long Winter.

I want her to ask me out for coffee and a walk. I want to know her. She interest me.
It would be good if we could have this view also.

An empty bed is the reflection of an empty life.

I feel different. If this had happened this time last year I wouldn't of coped. That said, i am not really sure if this is coping. I'm not even sure i want to talk about it as yet.
Right now i just crave being near people.
Right now i have a wanting to meet someone that will proudly have a photo of me in their wallet =]

I lack the ability to become close to people, it's not that i don't want to its that i don't know how, almost as if i have nothing to offer, and maybe i don't - well didn't, but now i am not so sure, i hope that my confidence and sense of me will flow back into me.

I'm scared of weekdays.

-Sunday St. John